I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
