biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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