she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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