You're completely useless in the revolution.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
