She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
