I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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