you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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