Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
