it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
