Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
