When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
