I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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