We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
