Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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