You work out of a Hotel?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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