if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do vagina's smell?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
