I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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