It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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