i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
