I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
