How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
