but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
