so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
