true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
