What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
