the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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