i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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