at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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