I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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