i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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