sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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