Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
