two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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