I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
