"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
