I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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