I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
