mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
