im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
