I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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