When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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