I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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