I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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