He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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