he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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