I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
