Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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