hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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