Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
