remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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