He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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