none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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