Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You just made me feel so damn special
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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