Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
