Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
