No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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