oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
