you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
