I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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