Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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