How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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