I wish my penis had an off switch
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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