There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We need to get me chipped asap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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