An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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