I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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