It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Im part way to drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
