SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
