Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize