she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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