Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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