i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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