Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
