I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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