I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
