Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize