I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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