oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
