his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
